Knocked down? 7 eye-opening tips to get back into the game

Life knocks you down.  You lose a job, a significant other, or an opportunity.  After rubbing your chin, you mutter “never again,” promising to quit setting yourself up for failure.

So instead of trying you accept a life of escapism by playing video games or shopping.  The trade seems simple:  no success, but no disappointment.  But is it enough for you?

Success involves risk and reward.   Waiting for the person of your dreams as you search the Internet for “restaurants near me that deliver” is like planning your financial future by expecting to win the lottery.   

I’ve failed and wanted to quit.  Divorce and business failure kicked me down and stomped on my head.  But I didn’t quit thanks to Richard Nixon.

Nixon lost the 1962 California’s governor race and told the media “you don’t have Nixon to kick around anymore, because, gentlemen, this is my last press conference.”    

Nixon felt sorry for himself, as we all do in defeat.  But he overcame it, becoming president of the U.S. six years later. 

And he rebounded again in the 1980s’ as a world diplomat after he quit the presidency in disgrace in 1974.  He understood quitting doesn’t make things better but only reduces opportunities for success.

So what do you do when failure strikes?  Some use quitting tactics such as hiding at home, ignoring phone calls, or crossing the street to avoid conversations.  But the quitter slips on failure’s cement shoes and taking a long, slow descent to the bottom.

7 eye-opening tips

The best strategy involves getting thrown right back into the water.  When things go south for you use these seven real-life tips to help you get back in the game.

1. Things aren’t that hard:  A psychological study had people kick an American football over a goalpost on an unmarked field.  The failed kickers said the kick was longer and the goalpost higher than those who succeeded.  Failure changes peoples’ perspective, creating the illusion of a greater challenge than reality suggests.  Don’t let failure distort perspective.  Things aren’t that hard.    
2. Stop doubting yourself:  Failed kickers also begin to doubt their abilities.  People who fail in conversation erroneously question their own skills, intelligence, and capabilities. Failure doesn’t diminish talent.  You’re not that bad. 
3. You’re not helpless:  Failure makes an individual feel a sense of hopelessness.  “I failed.  It hurt so I can’t try again because it will only hurt more.”  Don’t curl up in a ball and suck your thumb when emotionally wounded.  You’re not helpless.   
4. Success requires risk:  When people fail in conversation they unconsciously avoid situations where the potential of failure exists.  Fear of failure prevents success because it trades increasing opportunities for reducing risk.  It’s a bad trade. Success requires risk and work so take a chance. 
5. Don’t beat yourself:  Creating a “crisis” to avoid a conversation self-sabotages potential success.  “Can we talk about it later, I don’t feel well” or, my favorite, “I can’t stay.  I need to go home to take care of my dog” turn manageable situations into failure.  Don’t beat yourself before the game starts. 
6. Don’t overthink it:  “Choking” occurs when an athlete overthinks a short putt or free throw and misses.  People choke in conversations due to too much pressure causing them to freeze or ramble on about irrelevant information.  Psychologists suggest whistling before tough situations.  Don’t overthink it.
7. Control what you can:  A person fails by trying to control things or people they can’t.  Conversation success increases when a person focuses on the aspects they can control.  Once a person knows what they can and can’t control then helplessness disappears.   Keep the conversation on the points you control and forget the rest.  Control what you can. 

Life does provide many diversions to real life but none of them beat the excitement of the real thing.  These seven conversation tips will help you in seeking balance between risk and reward and get you back into the water. 

Now here’s my call to action.  The next time you have a channel changer or cellphone in your hand with a plan to block out reality, push the off button and go talk to someone.  Try using a few of the tips.  You’ll never know where it may lead which defines true excitement.