Life’s been tough lately. My family got the old one, two combination last week as the coronavirus showed its teeth and my 49-year-old sister, Kelly, died suddenly in her sleep on Thursday.
The two blows to the head rattled me. My reality spun out of control like the punch-drunk fighter taking an eight count on one knee.
The virus continues its rampage across the globe, stopping the world as we know it. This week promises to be twice as bad as last week which was twice as bad as the week before.
A young mother of four cut down in the prime of life leaves a huge hole in her family’s lives. That violent punch-in-the-gut pain remains fresh.
So how do I make sense of last week? What do I tell myself on this Monday morning that provides encouragement?
This bleak grey day holds no hope of happiness. No miracles will end the virus or bring Kelly back so today’s goal is to just endure and look to my past for guidance.
The psychologist’s advice
A failing marriage led me to a psychologist a number of years ago. After blaming my wife for a litany of transgressions, he gave me some simple advice.
“Get over it.”
I exploded. “Get over it. That’s the dumbest advice ever. What’s that solve?” I wanted my pound of flesh.
“OK. Stay where you are. Hold onto all the pain.”
His words continued to echo in my head long after leaving the office in anger. What choice did I have? What choice do any of us have when facing tough times?
This week promises pain. The stock exchange will sink again. Many will lose their jobs. Another 100,000 people will get sick and too many will die. Hospitals will struggle. You won’t be able to see family or friends.
Life’s going to get much harder. There is no way around it. So how do we avoid holding onto the pain?
The psychologist’s advice didn’t save my marriage but salvaged a friendship with my ex. Holding onto the anger only hurt me, no one else. The release of the anger and “getting over it,” however, took years.
The cop at an accident scene tells gawkers, “Move on. Nothing to see here.” The coronavirus and Kelly’s death happened. No point in staring at the results, expecting a different outcome. Life changed so let’s try to move on and change too.
I want to deal with Kelly’s death the best way possible. Maybe I’ll never “get over it” but at least one day in the future put it in perspective.
As a nation maybe we’ll never get over the impact of the coronavirus much like the way 9/11 changed society.
New realities will evolve from both situations. Our job requires us to move along with the changes and help where we can.
Yeah, life’s been tough lately. Grief, fear, anger, and pain face me on this Monday. I’m not going to get over them today. I’ll start to move on but realize the slow, painful walk ahead.
John McGory is the author of Seeking Balance: The ultimate guide to English-speaking excellence for the shy, foreign, or frustrated.