English-speaking excellence can seem like walking on a tightrope. The wrong word, like the wrong movement, sends you spinning out of control.
Balancing words, emotions, people, and ideas require a keen grasp of both the here and now as well as who you are as a person.
Now some consider being “balanced” as boring or non-committal. Nothing could be further from the truth. English-speaking excellence requires introspection, control, and self-discipline.
Many speakers deny balance. “I’m just not built that way,” the radicals proclaim, “I just say what I think.” This “shooting from the hip” approach by using emotional or angry outbursts often creates more problems than they solve.
If an individual wants to face a serious problem then balance must play the key role because solutions require tallying positive and negative elements and incorporating change where necessary. Ignoring negative impacts because they are inconvenient to your narrative simply won’t work in a balanced state.
Consider the use of the word balance in these mental, physical, financial, political, dietary, and emotional states.
A balanced approach Balance of nature
Bank balance Balance of power
Trade balance Strike a balance
Balancing act Balance the books
A balanced diet In the balance
Fair and Balanced (FOX News advertising slogan)
Lose your balance Mental balance
Tip the balance A work-life balance
It hangs in the balance Balancing right and wrong
Each phrase requires an accounting of the pluses and minuses. We all need to be wary of any argument that fails to do the math.
My just-released book, Seeking Balance: The ultimate English-speaking guide for the shy, foreign, and frustrated, examines English-speaking excellence through the lens of the Chinese philosophy of yinyang.
A struggling speaker’s balance wavers when conflicting emotions, such as nervousness versus calm or positive versus negative, collide. Yinyang teaches opposite forces are not in conflict but are complementary, interconnected, and interdependent. Yinyang treats nervous and calm as one.
The Nine Balance Test
English-speaking excellence requires negotiating a number of minefields when talking. A person must handle personal feelings, their world and the people in it, and even the universe in an evenhanded manner. It’s not easy.
To test your sense of balance I developed the Nine Balance Test. Read through the following nine situations and ask yourself: “Am I balanced?”
Be honest and simply answer “yes, I handle this well” or “no, I am not balanced in this area.”
- You and the universe
The ability to think and talk, and yet, be a grain of sand on the universe’s silent and endless beach seems to be life’s greatest balancing act. How do you handle the emotional stress of the universe and mortality?
Ask these questions to check your balance:
- Do my actions and words respect and complement the universe and life’s bigger picture?
- What’s my place in the universe?
- Do I live in fear of the universe?
- Instinct and emotion
Instincts and emotions fight a daily balancing act.
A yinyang relationship exists between the hard-wired brain and free-flowing speech, much like a push/pull door. We deal with situations where the cautious brain says beware, only to hear our excited voice say, “Sure, I’ll do it.”
How many times a week do you say or think, “I don’t know why I said/did that?”
Keep these questions in mind when instincts and emotions battle:
- Do I balance my emotions and instincts?
- My instincts keep me safe but do I neglect or bury my emotions?
- Are my words too emotional?
- True and false
What is true and what is false? The world struggles with this question. Today’s black-and-white media world create narratives that use screaming headlines to espouse the “truth” that end up misleading at best.
Look at true and false from a yinyang perspective where both exist on one spectrum like a push/pull door. Once the door reaches absolute truth, it begins to immediately swing back to the false.
True and false is one concept. No one lives a total true or false life.
- Do you balance true and false in your life or do you neglect one?
- How do you ignore the truth or falsehoods in your life?
- Known and unknown
Balancing what we know and don’t know takes an open mind. Derailed conversations happen because people think they know the reason for others’ words or actions when don’t know.
No conversation is fully understood without knowing the context. Failing to understand creates imbalance and distress.
How often do you tell yourself, “Oh he must hate me because my hair looks awful today?” It’s like believing an Internet headline that says “UFOs land in Dublin.” Proof requires more research.
- Which side of the coin do you fall on when coming to unsubstantiated conclusions?
- Do you jump to conclusions that create suspicion of others or anxiety in you?
- Hard and soft
Situations arise which require a strong position when speaking. Standing up for a clean environment or against physical abuse takes a committed, clear voice.
But other times intimidation or fear makes us passive speakers. A ranting boss or strict police officer requires a respectful but submissive tone.
Handling a situation takes tact. A great leader is warrior and healer. The wise person accepts both sides of the coin, realizing when the soft overcomes the hard like water against the rock and when the powerful, unwavering voice is required.
- Can you balance your ability to be hard and soft?
- Are you always pushing people or getting pushed?
- Humans and machines
The reality of an increasingly technological world hits us every day. The ubiquitous head-down pose of the smartphone user sneaking a glance at Facebook, Twitter, or WeChat makes human conversation difficult.
Balance requires controlling the smartphone, not letting the smartphone control you.
Speaking to humans is scary stuff. Risk of failure, embarrassment, and disappointment lurk in the weeds along the path to conversation.
- Do you successfully balance the allure and safety of technology and digital friends with actual human contact and conversation?
- Do you hide behind your cellphone?
- Us and them
The rock star of international language is English. Two billion people now speak English. Nothing comes close to spoken English’s ability to change the world through its reach, financial value, and power.
Americans remain blasé regarding English’s importance in world politics and business. Americans spend $100 billion a year on losing weight and another $100 billion on cosmetics. They believe thin and pretty bring success not the English language.
The rest of the world disagrees, viewing English as the road to attainment. The Chinese spend billions improving English skills as do people in India, the Middle East, Russia, and Europe.
- Do you understand the importance of English to the world economy?
- Are all English speakers equal?
- Do you speak to English speakers from other cultures?
- Winning and losing
Winning and losing play out daily in our lives. Some conversations we “win” and some we “lose.”
Balance keeps every conversation in perspective. Do you get too excited if the conversation goes well or off the cliff? True winners realize each conversation is one conversation in a lifetime of opportunities, another game starts soon.
Do your best today. Learn from mistakes, but don’t define yourself by them. Everyone loses but that doesn’t make everyone a loser.
- Do you balance your emotions whether winning or losing?
- Do your words reflect poorly on you when winning? Losing?
- Open or closed?
Words liberate or keep us in bondage.
Do you see the potential of every conversation, or are you closed-off in a world of conditioned responses, a prison built by words?
We believe words keep us safe, but the question we don’t ask is: “Safe from what?” Too often well-rehearsed words prevent exploration of a richer, more varied existence or solutions to problems.
- Do you balance being open to new ideas while keeping a firm foundation?
- Do your words stop you from progress?
Scoring
Give yourself one point for each of the nine tests where you believe you’re a balanced speaker and tally your points. Here is the scorecard.
8-9 total points: You are a well-balanced speaker who maintains composure while seeking a better you. Congratulations!
5-7 total points: You are above average in balance but can improve in certain areas. Keep improving!
4 points or less: You struggle with balance when speaking. Try to be mindful of conversations where imbalance takes over. Improve a day at a time.
Conclusion
Walking on the English-speaking excellence tightrope can be exhausting. But if a speaker works diligently on balance like the skilled circus performer then calm excellence can be achieved.
Just be kind to yourself by remembering that perfect balance is fleeting if not outright impossible. Every person wrestles with emotions, doubt, mistakes, and fear.
The reward for seeking balance and English-speaking excellence is a more honest, peaceful and enriching life experience.
The world needs balance more than ever and it starts with you. I encourage you to seek balance in 2020.